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New Coffee Gator multifunction scales vs human baby

by Adam Jenkins on May 08, 2018

Coffee Gator multifunction scales vs baby

We're delighted to announce a bouncing new arrival to the Coffee Gator family!

No, it's not a baby and also no, you definitely can't actually bounce it. But in many ways, it's better than an infant child. For no real reason, other than because you're bored, let's find out why.

I'll start with a question: when did you last meet a baby who could weigh coffee with an accuracy of 0.003 of an ounce? That's three-thousandths of an ounce. That's accurate.  I can accurately tell you that there are zero babies who can do that. Know any babies that could convert that 0.003 oz to 0.1g in a flash? Then change it to pounds, or ml/g. No, you don't. We'll call that, scale 1 - 0 baby.

Coffee Gator multifunction scales vs baby

Ok, I'm perfectly happy to concede that our new multi-function coffee scales aren't as cute as a baby. They don't have that lovely unique baby smell. They don't make sweet little gurgling noises. You won't watch them grow into an independent being with their own completely unique personality. They'll never be able to pick your nursing home when you're too far gone to do it yourself like your baby will one day.

But you can bet your bottom dollar these scales won't be sick on the back of your shirt (without you realising and being laughed-at in work). These scales will not cost you many, many, thousands of dollars over an 18-25-year period. I guarantee you'll never have to pick them up drunk from a prom.

Coffee Gator multifunction scales vs baby

So what does that makes the score? For argument's sake, let's just say 6-all.

I suppose the point is, these scales are not a human baby. We sometimes lose sight of that here, but I think it's important to remember. To compare these scales to (almost) any baby would be a waste of my time and yours. So, for that reason, I apologise for those last 4 paragraphs.

But the fact is, Coffee Gator scales have the power to change the way you brew. No more will you have to guess how much coffee, or water, (or almost anything else for that matter) weighs. That's important for making amazing coffee because you need to be sure about those ratios. Get it wrong and your brew will taste under or over-exposed. That equals either bitter or sour coffee. Trust me, this kind of coffee will not make you smile.

Coffee Gator multifunction scales vs baby

To give yourself a fighting chance of making wonderful coffee it's also important to keep an eye on the clock. Whether it's pour over, French press or most other brewing methods, time is critical. Of course, you could time it on your phone, but if you've tried that, you know you'll get distracted by Angry Temple Crush Surfers (or whatever it is they're calling apps these days).

With a slimline profile and bright, clear LCD display, you can expect these scales to make your kitchen look at least 60% sexier. As we all know, the key to anyone's heart is via their stomach. So by making this amazing coffee, you'll also appear sexier to other people. This is almost certainly, probably a fact and if it's not an actual fact, it must be almost a fact.

Shop Coffee Gator multifunction brewing scales

To summarise, these scales are probably not better than a baby. As we've already established, to compare them would be complete folly.

But I'll just leave you with this thought: you could weigh a baby on these scales (as long as the baby was lighter than 55 pounds). But could you weigh the scales on a baby? Let's make that scales 7 - baby 6, shall we?

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